My courage is stronger than my fear.
While fear's hot breath lingered on the nape of my neck during those raw days following diagnosis a year ago last week, this was a sentence I wanted to believe was true. I said it to myself over and over. Stuck it on my mirror, replayed it on loop inside my mind. It started to become part of my thought package, my program. I started to believe it. Now I really feel it; just saying it to myself calms me, softens my shoulders and straightens my back.
Whenever fear appears, however it may slither in and slide a hand around the door, I stop and
think…but my COURAGE is stronger than you. Bigger than you. It leaves then, turns on its heels, a waft of smoke; nothing tangible anyway, it turns out. So early on, I made a promise. To only say things to myself that would serve me, would help me, would heal me. It's interesting how many thoughts need stopping in their tracks. There's the door! Only wonderful ideas welcome here!
My affirmation cards are from https://www.
Positive thoughts and visual imagery
Picture the scene with me, it’s now late March 2020, Spring has turned into a scene of a dystopic film and Covid19 has just stopped my mastectomy. I have just finished 6 rounds of gruelling chemotherapy and attention has turned to the 9cm tumour we found on my adrenal gland in December (above your kidneys before you reach for google).
There’s no way this can be benign. But stay positive. Thinking positively will impact the outcome of your surgery and affect how you recover afterwards. So think positively, my surgeon said.
Wow I thought. How do I do that then? Because right now I’m really sacred. Terrified actually.
This 9cm adrenal gland tumour was touching my liver, bowel and kidney. There was a very high risk that if it didn’t ease itself smoothly, like a light airy pancake eases itself out of a non-stick frying pan, then I might wake up without a kidney and have parts of my bowel and liver cut into. I remember this initial appointment, I needed something to hold onto; I started to create a very clear image of
what I wanted to happen, I could almost see this pancake-like-looking-tumour just being nudged ever-so-slightly and popping out without holding onto or harming any other organs.
So I grew that image. Nurtured it. Toyed with it like a lock of hair in nervous finger tips. To make it real and come alive. I wanted to talk about the imagery, so I asked my friends and family to create visualisations with me to create a powerful and vivid image of the surgery. I asked them to talk to me about their choice of imagery – most people chose fruit skins peeling off. I seemed to be the only one thinking about pancakes! It’s all I thought about– my image became more vivid and real the more I pictured it. It became an affirmation or a mantra – peeling away with no harm to any other organs.
It worked. Like a plum skin or the skin of a lychee, the tumour was removed. With no harm to other organs. All my affirmations came true. A five-hour operation done in two hours!
Are you ready to jump up and down? My surgeon asked me over the phone a week later.
Your adrenal gland tumour was very very rare. But completely BENIGN.
Guided visual meditation for healing
My close friends still talk to me in imagery and tell me what they see and imagine for me – blue skies, all clear…Reflecting on the way I used imagery, involving co-creators to build and bring the images to life is really quite profound. It has allowed me to feel close to the people I love because they can share my healing and ideas – be a part of it!
When I met Tracy Ward, Reiki Energy Worker, and found out about her group visual meditation sessions for breast cancer, I jumped at the chance to be involved. Tracy infuses the meditation with reiki and guides us through a visual journey to find our future selves, our wise inner selves. She talks to us as we meditate about how our cells are healing; how our bodies have an innate wisdom to heal. It’s pure bliss.
"Visualisation healing integrates through every cell of your body, right through to your DNA. Each and every cell in your body is an energetic code designed to heal. Your DNA is created from a healing power of love. Visualisation healing is a powerful tool which empowers us to heal and activates the vitality through our life and the unique journey we are on" – Tracy Ward.
You can find Tracy here: Insta: @tracyleeward or www.tracyleeward.com. Tell her I sent you.
Right now Katie loves:
Radical Remission, Kelly. A. Brooke
Yesmum affirmation cards - https://www.
Chakra Meditation, Swami Saradananda
Heal Documentary on NetFlix
Katie Murray is the Skin Elixir resident writer and a published non fiction and fiction writer in various publications including Wildfire Magazine and Yellow Arrow Journal. Katie will be publishing her bi monthly blog post. So be sure to head back for more of her journey and beautiful writing. I am honoured to have her positivity and beauty in my life. 🌱